I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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