Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
