6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
