you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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