I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
