Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I can text with my tongue
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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