Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
