Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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