Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
