I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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