Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
