yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
