dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
