whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
