at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
