I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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