We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
