I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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