how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
