Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
