I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
