Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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