I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
