I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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