someone get that fucking seahorse.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
