Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
