and you said cock pushups were impossible
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
