RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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