im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
