It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
