Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Come on in and take your pants off
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