just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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