Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
