all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
