Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You ruined the universe
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
