Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
