waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think I sprained my soul last night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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