I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
