non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
