please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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