Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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