she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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