my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
