I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
