Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
