I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
