People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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