you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
