i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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