Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
