this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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