An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I need moral support for this bender
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
