He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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