The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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