dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
