My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
