I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
